The truth behind why I read

I did not know why I started reading until this moment. I am a vey social person and I love speaking to people.
Maybe it was because my grandma died and I was very affected. But then it wasn’t just that…or thats how I felt anyways.

I feel like people are so bad.
Bad intentions.
Selfish.
Annoying.
Deep.
Shallow.
Envious.
Hating.
Rude.
Have alot of Misconceptions concerning behavior and values.
Have No brains.
Wanting.
Lies.
Actors.
Fake.
And the list goes on.
I know there are good people.
I know no ones perfect.
But it stunned me a few years ago when I a thought came up in my mind: I dont like most of the people around me.
I tried to dismiss it as a depressing thought because of the situation I was in but then it kept bubbling up every while and then.
I couldn’t deny it.
I tried to see the good in people and block everything else. I tried to convince myself that its enough that these people want me around and respect me. But no. The thought never let me. And every time this thoight comes up it depresses me.

Because people dont want to be better.
People keep disappointing me.
People keep on hurting me.
People keep on being bad.

This led to another deprssing conclusion: I dont want to know people. I want to be alone. Its so much relaxing and so much unhappiness will be put away….
I dont want to be like them.
I want to stay me.
I am fighting to stay myself.

But again I keep trying to keep this thought away too.
I need people in my life.
I need my friends.
My family.
Sometimes solutions arent so simple.

I am on a constant adventure to finding that person who understands. Who isnt perfect but tries to be. Who doesnt want to be like the people.

I read because characters are so much better. Because I am tired.
Because every while and then I feel so down. I feel like pushing everyone away on purpose.

But again that wasnt it.
I am not so unhappy with my life.

I reached yet another conclusion:

I read because I enjoy it.
I enjoy learning about people.
I enjoy living the adventures in a book.
I enjoy learning life lessons.
I enjoy it.